Say something about gay babies.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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