I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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