I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
