Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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