DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think a kid would responsible me up
Alive.
So much puke
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
