marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
