It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
