i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
