I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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