she woke up with a sticky ear
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
