You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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