I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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