i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
