Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
