Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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