My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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