OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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