I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
