Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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