i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
