Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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