you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
