Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
