Don't you send me to vm
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
