Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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