I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
