it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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