I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
