Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
