Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
