omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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