I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize