What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
