You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
