I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
