Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
