I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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