i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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