In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
