***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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