the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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