i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
