I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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