He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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