DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
