I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
