we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
