i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
