Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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