I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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