He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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