I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
