How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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