She said her name was "party"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
