I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
