I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
