dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
