my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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