Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
