I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We left the knife in your bed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
