not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
