i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize