it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She bit a glass in half.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
