you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
