So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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