I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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