There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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