There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize