No stitches, just platelets and will power
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We left an ass print on the piano.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
