We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
