you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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