I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
