Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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