remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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