Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
