We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize