Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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