Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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