I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
