she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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