i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
