I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So vagazzling was a success
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
