she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
either way he was missing a nipple.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
