shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
