words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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