College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
