THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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