I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
