If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
